Double Trouble Terrible 2's
by TaraYuki-Uesugi
Summary: What were Keisuke and Kaoru like when they were in their 'terrible two' stage? Poor Yuki! Shindou-Uesugi family. OneShot based on "Fame Unwanted, Family Unwanted" PG for language. Now beta-d


Tara Yuki-Uesugi here. I'd like to dedicate this fic to my little brother. For without the brat, this fic wouldn't exist Lol I based this whole fic on Justin (My little bro.). He's three years old and I was baby-sitting him one day and I came up with the idea. He has basically done EVERTHING mentioned here while he was two AND three! He's a handful and he's not a twin. If he was, I would have committed suicide when he was a year and a half. Lol Well Justin this is for you!

There are a few things I should mention. Or maybe just one. I do mention a few TV shows from now even though in hate other fic, Keisuke and Kaoru are 15. Look I can't remember what kid shows were out in the late 80's. I was only like 2 or 3 so work with me Lol

**Disclaimer:** Do I look like Maki Murakami? I don't think so!

And now...on with the show...

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Yukiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"

'_There's my alarm clock '_ Yuki thought as he was pulled out of his sleep. He pulled the pillow over his head attempting to block out the shriek of his name. _'Damn brat '_

"WAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"Yukiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii WAKE UP"

Every morning was the same thing. Shuichi was gone and his 'alarm clocks' would 'ring'. He pulled back the blankets from over his head and swung his feet onto the cold wooden floor. He looked at the real alarm clock on the nightstand 9:15am. Next to it was a letter.

_Yuki-_

_I'm working late tonight. I should be home around seven but I'll be home all day tomorrow. See you tonight. Kiss the boys for me. Love you all._

_Shuichi_

"Great" he mumbled to himself "he's going to be late" Yuki ruffled his hair and yawned. He walked over to the first crib in the bedroom.

"Yuuuuuuuu..." the boy stopped yelling when he saw his dad standing in front of him glaring. Golden eyes met golden eyes. The baby smiled. He was already standing and lifted his arms readying himself to be picked up. Yuki grabbed the baby and held him for a second.

"Hi Yuki" the baby said with a smile

"It's dad Kaoru, dad. And did you have to wake up your brother" He kissed Kaoru on the cheek "That's from your daddy" Yuki put Kaoru down and made his way to the second crib.

"WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Yuki sighed; He bent down and picked up the second boy who was sitting in the crib screaming. He held him in his arms and the baby stopped crying instantly. Big, purple teary eyes looked back at him.

"Are you finished now?"

Keisuke nodded. Yuki kissed him. "One for you too. Now that you're done deafening me, lets go eat." He turned to Kaoru "Let's go."

Kaoru ran past his dad " Eat, eat, eat, eat"

Once they were in the kitchen Yuki put Keisuke down to walk and opened the refrigerator door. "What should we eat" he asked the boys

"This" Kaoru said pulling out one of Yuki's beers from the bottom of the fridge.

"No, not that." Eiri said taking the drink from his son and replacing it.

"That's Eiri-san's"

"Exactly that's mi...Dad Keisuke, dad. What's wrong with you two"

The boys have never called Yuki dad. They called him Yuki because that's what they heard Shuichi call him. Recently they have been spending alot of time at N-G and Keisuke now called Yuki, Eiri-san because he heard his Uncle Tohma call him that a few times.

"Yuki I want cereal"

"Me too"

Yuki walked over to the cabinet and grabbed the instant hot cereal.

"No. Milk" Keisuke yelled.

Yuki knew that "milk" meant cold cereal so he replaced the hot cereal and opened the cabinet with the cold cereal. When he saw what was in there he cursed at it. _'Shuichi just had to by cereal that was basically pure sugar ' _Yuki pulled out the ten boxes of sugar...i mean cereal and put them on the counter. He waved a hand over each box like Vanna White waiting for the twin's responses.

Kaoru nodded and Keisuke shook his head 'no' for the fifth box. Yuki took the Cocoa Puffs and set it aside. The same thing except vice-versa happened with the eighth box. So the Fruity Pebbles joined the Cocoa puffs.

Yuki grabbed a Dora the Explorer bowl and a Blue's Clues bowl from another cabinet. He filled them with each cereal and presented it to the boys.

"That's mine" Keisuke yelled pointing to Kaoru's bowl

"Gimme" Kaoru yelled pointing to Keisuke's bowl.

Apparently the Dora bowl was Kaoru's and the Blue's Clues bowl was Keisuke's. Yuki took the bowls and switched the cereals. He gave the bowls back.

"Eiri-san, feed me"

"No, feed me"

"No. You're both capable of feeding yourselves" Yuki said defiantly

**5 minutes later**

"Open up." Yuki said sounding bored. _' Damn Shuichi, insisting on feeding them '_ After thirty minutes everyone was fed. Yuki cleaned up the highchairs and let the boys down.

"Who has to go potty" Yuki asked

"I do" Keisuke yelled.

Kaoru shook his head. "No. No potty Yuki"

"Are you sure? You don't have on a pull-up today." Kaoru nodded.

"Alright, go play in the living room while I take your brother to the bathroom."

Kaoru ran to the living room as Yuki took Keisuke to the bathroom. He sat the pink haired baby on the smiley face potty.

**- CRASH-**

There was a loud noise from the living room. "Shit" Yuki made sure Keisuke was finished and ran off to the living room. Kaoru had rammed his huge Tonka truck into the C.D. tower next to the stereo.

"Sorry Yuki" Kaoru smiled at his dad

"Kaoru, I told you not to play with daddy's C.D's I know the music sucks but if you destroy them I'll never hear the ..."

**-CRASH-**

That time the crash came from Yuki's study._' My laptop '_ He abandoned the c.d.'s and was about to leave Kaoru in the living room but decided that wasn't a good idea. He scooped up the toddler and ran to his study. He put Kaoru down once they were inside.

"Shit." he muttered. Sure enough there was Keisuke sitting on top of his desk. "Sorry Eiri-san." Keisuke smiled. Eiri looked on the floor. There lay his laptop." Shit" he muttered again. Ignoring the baby on the desk, he picked the laptop up off the floor and turned it on. It still worked. He heaved a heavy sigh of relief.

Yuki was on his third laptop since the twins turned two. The first one Kaoru threw across the room; the second Keisuke threw in the toilet. Both times he had lost his work on it. Now he saves his work in emails he sends to himself. This way no matter what happened to the laptop, his work was always saved. That didn't mean he didn't care. Buying new laptops cost a fortune.

He placed the laptop back on the desk and picked up the baby. Kaoru tried to escape but he wasn't fast enough. Yuki grabbed him around the waist with his baby free arm and lifted him up. He took both boys and sat them on the floor.

"Sit! He commanded "Stay" the boys just looked at him innocently.

Yuki ran out of the study and around the house gathering as many toys as he could, as fast as he could. He was running past the study to the living room for their favorite book when he heard a machine running. He dropped the toys he held in his arms _' My manuscript! 'He_ ran into the study.

Sure enough, the twins were taking turns shredding the manuscript Yuki had just printed the night before. His deadline for the first twelve chapters was tomorrow and Mizuki was coming by to pick it up. He couldn't re-print it because he had used the rest of his paper to print that one. He pinched the bridge of his nose. He was now regretting the fact that he refused to buy a playpen.

**Flashback** **- Toys 'R' Us the previous Saturday**

"Keisuke, no standing in the cart sweetie. You might get hurt. Yuki, look at that! Why don't we get one?"

"What is it?"

"A playpen"

"WAAAAHHHHHH"

"Kaoru stop hitting your brother with the toy. A what?"

"A playpen. It's like a pen that you put the kids in so they can play and stuff"

"I'm not putting my kids in a pigpen"

"Hahaha It's not a pigpen"

"It looks like one"

"It'll make things easier for you while I'm at work."

"No"

"But then they won't get into stu..."

"I said no. I'm not putting my kids in a pigpen"

"Suit yourself"

"Now that's what we need."

"A diaper genie"

"Yeah. Since Kaoru still wont use the potty. I wish he would. Those damn Pull-ups are expensive"

"Ugh. Yuki, what's that smell"

"Yuki! I made"

**End of Flashback**

'_Damn that was stupid. We're definitely getting one this weekend' _

He walked over to the twins, picked them up and stalked off to the TV. He sat them on the couch and flopped down next to them. He picked up the remote and began flipping through channels. "Kids channel, kids channel" he muttered to himself as he searched "Damn, Shuichi knows this shit. Ah, speaking of Shuichi" He had just stopped on MTV Japan where "Blind Game Again" was playing.

"Who's that, guys" Yuki asked the boys.

"Daddy" they cried in unison.

"Yeah, you call _him_ daddy." Yuki muttered.

The boys began to jump on the couch singing the lyrics to the best of their ability. About one minute into the song, Kaoru sat down, crossed his arms and pouted.

"What's the matter Kaoru?"

"No more daddy. I want Dora"

"But Keisuke is still dancing to daddy's lousy music now. You'll have to wait your turn "

"No! No daddy! Dora"

"Well, you're just going to have to wait"

Kaoru climbed off the couch, walked up to his dad snatched the remote from his hand and hauled ass, heading for the bedroom. He was laughing hysterically. "Shit. He's going to hide it like before." Yuki took off after him.

"Kaoru, give me the remote." Yuki called after him.

"No" Kaoru continued to run.

"Kaoru, give it here or it's a time out." Yuki said in his stern voice. He stopped running.

Kaoru also stopped running and turned to face his dad. "No time out! Dora" He threw the remote at Yuki and nailed him right in the middle of his forehead. Kaoru doubled over with laughter. "That's it brat" Yuki roared his head red and throbbing. "Time out" He began walking toward his son. Kaoru noticed how angry his dad was and began to cry but never moved. "No! No, Yuki! No timeout" Yuki picked the toddler up and carried him off to the bedroom and put him in his crib. Kaoru screamed "I don't want to hear it Kaoru. You have two minutes." Kaoru screamed louder.

**-Bam-**

'_Aw shit Keisuke!' _Yuki left the crying or better yet, screaming Kaoru in his crib and rushed to the living room. There Keisuke was lying on the floor screaming at the top of his lungs. He had fallen off the couch. Yuki picked the second screaming child up and rushed to the kitchen where he applied a cold compress to the toddlers forehead '_Shuichi is going to kill me '_ After a few seconds Yuki removed the cold compress to look at the damage. There was a small bruise but not too bad. It should go away in a few hours. Yuki sighed a sigh of relief _'Maybe it will be gone by the time Shuichi comes home.'_ Keisuke was still screaming and coupled with Kaoru's screeching, Yuki couldn't take it. He marched back into the bedroom grabbed, Kaoru out the crib even though his time out wasn't over, and went to his study. He needed to work BADLY! He set the screaming twins down walked over to his desk and searched through the top drawer. He found what he was looking for and walked back over to the boys. "Here" he said handing them each a pack of post-its. He peeled two off and stuck them on the boys' foreheads "See? Now have fun." He walked back to his desk and watched the two play with the post-its.

Once he was convinced they weren't moving for awhile and they were happy, he turned on his laptop and set to work. Every few minutes he would glance at the boys to make sure they were still ok and playing. After awhile he forgot to check. He noticed that it was quiet. Too quiet. He peered around his computer...the boys were no where in sight. _'Gods help me.' _ He thought as he got up and began looking for the boys. "Keisuke, Kaoru" he yelled they weren't in the living room or the kitchen. As he was walking toward the bedroom he heard a toilet flush. _'Shit!'_ He ran to the bathroom. "Look Yuki" " What the hell are you two doing" The boys were flushing three of Yuki's novels down the toilet, well they were attempting to. They weren't just his normal novels; they were first edition especially made for him. He kept them in a box near his desk on the floor. He slapped his forehead with his bare right hand and slid it down his face. He pulled the three books out of the toilet and threw them in the tub.

"Eiri-san, I'm hungry" Yuki looked at his son like he was crazy. "You just ate" "No I'm hungry" " Me too" _'How can they be hungry, we just ate' Yuki_ guided the boys out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. As they passed the living room he looked at the cable clock: 12:37pm. He hadn't even noticed it was that late.

He took the boys and placed them in their highchairs. "What do you want to eat?" He asked

"Mabioli" they cried in unison.

"Ravioli it is." He was really getting the hang of this baby talk thing. He walked to the cabinet and pulled out the can of ravioli. He heated it in the microwave and put them in the same bowls as that morning. This time when he handed them the bowls, he knew which bowl belonged to which kid.

"Feed me "The phone rang. "Nope you're on your own." Yuki ran into the living room and grabbed the cordless.

"Yeah"

"Hey_ Yuki!_" Shuichi's voice came from the other end ...Hey..." _How are you and the boys?_ ...We're doing fine. They're eating lunch now. You wanna talk to them" ... _I do but don't give them the phone. I don't want them crying like they did before_...Ok... _Well I just wanted to see how you guys were holding up. I'll be home as soon as I can_...Hnnn..._Love you. Bye_." Shuichi hung up.

Yuki hung up the phone and walked back into the kitchen. The twins were still eating. "Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, Yuki..." "What Kaoru" " Where's daddy" "At work" " Yuki" " Yes Kaoru"

"Finished" Kaoru yelled and threw the rest of his ravioli on to the white marble floor. Permanently staining it.

" Damnit Kaoru "

"Damnit Yuki" Kaoru repeated. Yuki couldn't help but crack a smile. It was just too funny. " No Kaoru don't say that, ok" Kaoru nodded. "Are you done Keisuke" Keisuke nodded. Yuki took both their bowls and washed them in the sink. He proceeded to clean the floor. Once he was finished he took the boys out of their highchairs. "Let's go play" he said to the boys.

"Eiri-san I want music"

Shuichi had bought them a kid's c.d. with all little kid's songs like "Itsy bitsy spider" and the "ABC's". Yuki led the way to the living room and searched through the c.d. on the floor. He picked up the one labeled ' ABC's and 123's' and stuck it in the c.d. player. As the songs played he cleaned up the c.d.'s he ha neglected earlier. As he was cleaning he heard several crashes simultaneously. He whipped around. The boys were now playing ball and each time they threw it to each other, they would knock something over. Luckily Yuki had gone through this before. All the pictures had the glasses taken out just incase they fell, the cordless phone didn't hang on the wall anymore and the coffee table had been put in the closet. With no worries, Yuki finished cleaning up the c.d., walked over to the couch and sat down. He closed his eyes but not for long "Eiri-san, I have to go potty " Keisuke said to his dad as he pulled on his sleeve. Yuki turned off the stereo beckoned Kaoru to follow him. Once in the bathroom he put Keisuke on the potty. Kaoru waited outside the open door.

Soon Yuki heard a sound that sounded like water hitting the floor and smelled something foul. Keisuke stood up and pulled up his pants. It wasn't him that made the foul smell. Yuki looked over to Kaoru. He saw that he was standing in a puddle. Kaoru smiled "Yuki, I made "What do you mean you made? You don't have a pull-up on. Kaoru did you have to shit yourself, we're right in the bathroom" "No Yuki. No shit myself. I made poppy." Yuki sighed and rubbed his temples. "Kaoru come here so I can change you" he said calmly "No" Kaoru laughed and ran off to the bedroom. Yuki sighed again and ran after him.

Five minutes later he found him in the closet completely covered in dust and smelling like shit. Yuki carried the laughing baby, at arms length, back to the bathroom. "Damnit Keisuke" While unattended, Keisuke had taken the piece of the potty where he peed, off the potty and was now playing with it in the toilet. He pulled his son away from the toilet and made him sit on the floor as he changed his brother. After he had changed Kaoru he realized the boys needed a bath. He couldn't use the tub of the bathroom they were in because his first edition novels were drying in there. So he stripped the boys and led them to the bathroom in the bedroom. "No wait" Keisuke yelled and ran in the opposite direction. "Toys." Kaoru yelled following him. Yuki waited as the two naked babies raided the living room looking for toys for the bathtub. Once their arms were full, they walked back to the bathroom in the bedroom. Yuki ran the water and placed the boys in the bath. Of course once they were done Yuki was just as wet, if not more, than the boys. He dried them off and put on a new pair of pajamas. He also changed his own clothes.

Yuki carried the boys off back to his study. He was going to attempt to do some work again. He set them down on the floor walked over to his desk and pulled out some crayons and coloring books. He handed them to the boys and set to work.

The boys were occupied even after two hours of drawing. This time Yuki kept his eye on them. Then once again he began to focus on his work more and forgot to check on the boys. He noticed it was really quiet...too quiet. He strained his ears to listen for any movement._' Maybe they fell asleep '_ Yuki thought hopefully _' Ha fat chance. They never take a nap '_ . He heard a scratching noise coming from the living room. He left his study and stopped in his tracks when he saw the walls of the living room.

The walls were blue and green and yellow and red and pink and brown. The once white walls were now filled with squiggly lines and circles. "What are you guys doing" "Yuki look" Kaoru grabbed his dad by the hand and led him to the wall near the front door. He pointed to a pink squiggly line "It's Daddy" he said. Rubbing his temples again, Yuki smiled at his son. He made a mental note to call a painter first thing in the morning.

"Ok boys now that you've officially ruined my walls, let's watch a video." "YAY" the boys cried. They walked over to the TV. and Yuki started pulling out DVD's from the bottom. "This one." Kaoru yelled pulling out a Dora one. " This one " Keisuke had a Blue's clues one. The boys started fighting. Yuki took them and placed them on opposite ends of the couch. _'Thank the Gods '_ apparently Shuichi had bought the boys a Nick Jr. DVD that had both Blue's Clues _and _Dora the Explorer. Yuki popped in the video, retreated to the couch and watched. Within minutes of watching he dozed off.

"Yuki I'm home"

"Daddy." The boys ran up to Shuichi as he entered the door. Yuki didn't have a clue how long he slept but the end credits were rolling on the TV.

"Oh boys, I missed you"

"I missed you daddy." Keisuke said

"I love you daddy ' Kaoru said kissing Shuichi on the cheek "I love you too" Shu kissed him back

"Hi Yuki! How was your day" Shuichi asked his husband. Yuki groaned. He need a cigarette BADLY but he swore he wouldn't smoke in the house while the boys were still babies.

"Daddy look" Keisuke said pointing to the walls

"Wow! Apparently we have a couple of interior decorators here." He said kissing both boys. "Are you guys hungry" The boys nodded. Shuichi picked them up and began walking to the kitchen. "Yuki, are you coming"

"I've got work to finish." Yuki answered and stalked off to his study.

As he worked he heard Shuichi and the boys play in the living room. He was sure he heard a couple of things break but decided not to leave his study just in case. At around 10:30 all was quiet and Yuki thought it safe to leave. He walked into the living room to see Shuichi and the twins sleeping on top of each other on the floor. He smiled at the sight. Yuki shook Shuichi "Wake up. Go get in the bed, I've got the boys" Shuichi nodded and walked to the bedroom looking half dead.

Yuki took a boy in each arm and began following Shuichi. Kaoru stirred. He lifted his head off of Yuki's shoulder and looked at him. "I love you dad. Night, night," and fell back asleep. Yuki froze _' Did he just call me dad?" _"I love you too dad." came from his left side. He looked between both boys and smiled.

Once they were in their cribs, Yuki kissed them goodnight and walked to the kitchen for some coffee. He stopped as he entered the living room and looked at the walls. He smiled _'maybe the painters can want one more day.' _

_End_


End file.
